A Broken Sleep

I sit, I stare, I watch you sleep,
I watch you slip into the deep,
You lay there still, and make no sound,
I wonder what your dreams have found,
I lay awake unnerved by fears,
I listen anxiously to my tears,
You sleep unknowing what I feel,
Fearing what you dream is real,
The only movement, rise and fall,
Of your chest and that is all,
My only movement, blinking eyes,
My only downfall, no disguise,
I'm silent so you do not stir,
From your slumber to this blur,
I take my pills so I can sleep,
And lay with you in the deep.

Lovers Lost

Why bother talking for a while,
When spoken to like a child,
Why bother smiling it would be fake,
When all i think is I'm a mistake,
Why try and help when all I get,
Is snapped at then feel regret,
I try to cope and help get by,
Why bother when you wanna die,
My love for you is just and proud,
I'd scream it true and scream it loud,
Why bother when its not enough,
I never feel I'm good enough,
Cant always help or fight the tears,
What's the point of all those fears,
Trust! what trust it isn't there,
Your soulless eyes, they just lay bare,
It hurts, it digs, the pain is cold,
I'll die with you, one day and old,
And frail from a weathered life,
But die happy being your wife!
I love you, and I always will,
Full to the brim with all your thrills,
Regret nothing and live for today,
That's our life everyday.

Forgotten Dreams

If I could see a dream come true,
Id close my eyes and dream of you,
I see the smile tomorrow brings,
The happy thoughts and other things,
One single thought to stand out most,
A gentle and a cheerful host,
To bring the smiles and the glee,
Bring all the things I dream to me,
I love it when I fall asleep,
I dream and dream into the deep.

Lost In Loves Reflection

Staring at a looking glass,
Lost in lovers eyes,
I can see a broken path,
A smile can't disguise,

I can see a broken dream,
With memories gone astray,
A special love that took your hand,
But no longer leads the way,

Staring through the looking glass,
The eyes show no direction,
No way to turn, no where to go,
When lost in loves reflection.

Banishment

When this feeling takes over,
I don't know who I am,
I feel this sudden need,
I need a rush, a pain that feels so good,
To see it, the watch it,
The shine of it as it falls,
The silent noise as it pumps out my veins,
That feeling I long for,
Is forever banished,
And here no more.

Confessions of a Liar

A promise is made, but often forgot,
The passing of time, the ticking of clocks,
I wait and I wait, till nothing is left,
And here you will find me, asleep and bereft,
The promise you gave me means nothing, it's gone,
But one day I'll turn this rage into a song,
And you'll hear it and hurt, and break down, and cry,
Coz you know that it's you that failed and not I,
You'll wish for forgiveness, but never it comes,
Just the dreaded most feared, beating of drums,
Your heart will lay heavy, your body will weep,
As to hell you shall fall, and forever shall sleep.

Heartbreak of a Mortal

That's it, I give up,
The tears that shall forever haunt me fall,
And the pain that never leaves me remains,
I feel the burning, the sharpness of the knife,
Stabbing my gut, twisting to make me scream,
I cry, but no one hears me,
I scream till my lungs can't breathe,
And again no one hears me,
Why me? why does my heart do this?
Let yourself get this far, and crush it,
And leave the ashes to fly with the wind,
And forever cease to be.

Insomnia

At night I cry my silent tears,
To release all of my silent fears,
I lay awake alone and numb,
And slowly wait for sleep to come,

I sit and wait and watch you dream,
I wait all night it appears to seem,
I cry and cry till no tears fall,
My body's dead I've cried them all,

I wait for darkness to appear,
No more silence no more tears,
My body's dry and now I'm numb,
As I slowly wait for sleep to come.

Changes

Times are changing,
Getting better,
No more silence,
No more letters,
Things are moving,
World is spinning,
This new life,
Is just beginning,
Feeling happy,
No more lump,
And hopefully soon,
There'll be a bump.

Drained

Feeling tired,
Falling down,
Curled up in,
My dressing gown,

Getting well,
Feeling snug,
All wrapped up,
Just like a bug,

Coughs and sneezes,
Fade away,
Wake up ready,
A brand new day.

Paranoia

It creeps, it crawls,
Gets under your skin,
Brings out the feelings,
Your hiding within,

It twists, it turns,
Gets into your brain,
It's making you cry,
And causing you pain,

It's nasty and horrid,
It's screaming your name,
And slowly it makes you,
Go madly insane.

Looking Back

When loneliness falls on you,
Your minds an empty drought,
You think of what you used to have,
And consume your mind with doubt,
When summer days no longer fill,
Your head with happy thoughts,
You think of what used to be,
And memories of all sorts,
When a smile no longer comes,
To put your mind at ease,
You think of the times you had,
And how much you used to tease,
And when your loneliness has gone,
When your emotions have been toyed,
You realise then and only then,
What looking back has destroyed.

Wanting and Needing

Wanting to hold you,

Needing your touch,

Wanting to feel you,

Need you so much,

Wanting your hand,

Need it in mine,

Wanting to hug you,

Need you too see,

Never want to hurt you,

Need just you and me.

The Silhouette Of Someone I Used To Be

I want to tell you,
But you've had a bad day,
Holding onto,
The things I wanna say,
I'm tearing myself up,
I'm holding back tears,
Wanting to tell you,
All of my fears,
Standing in the ruins,
I thought you needed me,
Instead i'm just the silhouette,
Of someone I used to be.

Relaxation

I feel for you no time to relax,
All your friends on your back,
Helping them, giving all,
Catching them when they fall,

All you want is happiness,
But they can't see this,
It makes me sad,
It makes me mad,

I can see your pain within,
The many heartaches scar your skin,
I don't know this pain,
But I try to understand in vain,

You mean so much,
I love your touch,
I'll help you through,
Because I love you.

Surgical Needs

Not long now till I go under,
Headaches rolling in like thunder,
I'm scared, worried and tired,
Stay awake...feeling wired,
Do anything not to think,
Stay afloat so I don't sink,
Counting down days,
Do what the surgeon says,
Hope to see your face again,
When I wake, hope to feel sane,
Normal at last, I pulled through,
I can carry on now, I have you.

Shaking In Fear

I was nervous before and that was just talk,
I'd never expect to see you out on my walk,
But then when I knew you were here I had to,
And give you the note I'd written for you,
But then when I saw you my body just froze,
It felt like a lifetime, not the timing I chose,
My knees start to shake and my heart start to race,
A worried expression stuck on my face,
I'm going all pale and feeling all sick,
I throw down the note and to the floor it sticks,
I run, and I run, away from the pain,
And hope in my heart I don't see you again.

You do, you don't

One day your telling me you love me,
The next day your telling me lies,
I don't know what to believe,
Just wait till my tears have all dried,
You say that you always want me around,
And you need me to stay for your sake,
The next day your telling of new friends you have found,
I'm giving it all and you take,
I don't know what to say to you,
Or how to tell you I'm fine,
All I want is to know what to do,
And for you to say you are mine.

14 lines of hurt

Dates and places and faces and names,
Needles and plasters all feel the same,
Lost track of the days, lost track of time,
Forget when you said you'd be by my side,
I drink and I drink, till there's no more tears,
And I sleep all day to forget all my fears,
The crushing, the hurting don't mean a thing,
As long as your happy the bruises wont sting,
The aching I feel whenever you leave,
I can't find the words, I'm struggling to breathe,
Don't eat, don't sleep, make myself sick,
This fantasy image don't seem to stick,
Memories fading, no names and no places,
Forgotten the dates the people and faces.

Graveyard Blues

These dreadful days where sorrow grows,
I go to a place that nobody knows,
I go there to sit, to talk and to cry,
And sit with the person who helps me get by,
Although she's not here I still feel her presence,
Her kind and her warmth and her friendly essence,
She eases my heartaches and dries all my tears,
I've missed her alot these past long 9 years,
I've needed her guidance and rational advice,
Just a hug right now would feel really nice,
I'm going back soon, I need to feel sane,
And take a long walk down memory lane.

Family Ties

I love my family don't get me wrong,
But sometimes I wish they weren't here,
I will always favour my friends,
They've been here for me for years,
My sisters all lie,
And my brothers are foes,
I can't get away from the stress,
If I could just leave,
Be an orphan it seems,
I can battle away all the mess,
I wish that sometimes they'd listen to me,
To tell them where they're going wrong,
If they'd listen to me,
I'd finally be,
Then I can be free to move on.

Happiness Lasts Forever

If I could wake up every morning,
To your gorgeous smile,
I would wake up everyday,
Knowing it's worth while,

You bring out my very best,
A happiness that's pure,
I know this feeling lasts forever,
Of that I know I'm sure.

Foolishness

When you told me you liked me,
Did you mean it? or did you
just use it? Am I just a game to you?
A fool for falling for you? I don't know any more,
I'm walking out this door, if I'll be back again
......... who knows.

Happy Happy Happy

When i think about your smile,
I can't help but grin,
You make me the happiest,
I have ever been,

You bring out the best in me,
And you always will,
I love that you can make me smile,
For you it's natural skill,

You give me hugs and kisses,
That make me feel ok,
And for that i thankyou now,
And forever and day!

What If??

what if I'd never told you how i felt?
would you still feel the same?
what if I'd never seen your face?
would we still have ended up here?
what if you had felt the same?
would you still have made that choice?
what if I'd never loved you?
would i still have fallen in love?
what if? only time will tell.....

Consequences Unknown

The feel of the blade hitting my skin,
The feel of the blood rushing out,
The feel of the anger subsiding within,
As a sigh of relief is let out,
I do it again, and again and again,
Just to make sure I'm really alive,
And I'd do it again, and again and again,
Just to make all the anger die,
I feel it trickle, down the whole of my arm,
I watch it hitting the floor,
I know that they'll hate me for doing self harm,
But I can't deal with this feeling no more,
It's silently killing me, and scarring my skin,
It's beating me inside and out,
The feeling of anger subsiding within,
As a sigh of relief is let out.

When I'm Yours

When things get bad and miserable,
You're feeling pretty low,
Then take a look, at my face,
And you will surely know,

You have me as your best-est friend,
You have me all day long,
I'm always gonna be here for you,
No matter what goes wrong,

You have me as your shoulder,
If you ever need to cry,
To let out all your anger,
And for help to just get by,

You have me for that cheeky grin,
Just to make you smile,
You have me to make you happy,
If only for a while.

Tears of Sorrow

I've got this aching hunger,
That I just can't control,
It's scarring me and hurting me,
It's burning at my soul,

My tears they don't stop falling,
They fall down like the rain,
They drown me in my anger,
And soak me in my pain,

This feeling inside is killing me,
I'm completely out of control,
I've got this aching hunger,
That's burning at my soul.

Bad Dream

The cars down below,
Stood still in a jam,
Looking up to the sky,
To see who I am,

There's sirens and screams,
As I move to the edge,
Ready to jump,
Off this crumbling ledge,

The wind is cold,
As it hits my pale face,
My tears almost freeze,
Nearly stuck in their place,

I look down again,
More people are there,
Just patiently waiting,
Giving a stare,

I take a deep breath,
Then take a step back,
A sigh of relief,
Then comes a crack,

The ledge is breaking,
I give out a scream,
Then somebody saves me,
An angel it seems,

I open my eyes,
I'm back in my bed,
Haunted by what,
I've just seen in my head,

I take a good look around,
And see you're still there,
I go back to sleep,
With no worries, no cares.

Pressure

Hands on my head,
What have I done?
I should have emptied the bullets,
Out of that gun,

But now it's too late,
She lies on the floor,
I rush in a panic,
As there's a knock at the door,

Nobody answers,
I can't I'm too scared,
I hear lots of footsteps,
Rushing up stairs,

There's police everywhere,
Then there's my mum,
And it's then, only then,
I know what I've done,

I never wanted all this,
I cry out with a plea,
For it's then that I notice,
The young girl..... is me.

Our Love

In love we trust with all our heart,
In love we leave our mind,
With love we tend not to be smart,
And love's not always kind,

But our love is something else,
It's pure and true and wise,
And it's our love that see's us through,
It will never be our demise.

The Day The Laughter Died

It was the day I had a smile,
A happy and a soulful child,
A happy heart filled with glee,
But deep inside that wasn't me,

I was scared, it's judgment day,
Test results go either way,
Something good? No, something bad,
I'm crumbling and feeling sad,

And when that loving person's gone,
It's gonna be me, the only one,
The day me and my body cried,
Was the day the laughter died.

Ghost (for my nan)

You walk through the air with an elegant grace,
But the elegance shows not on your pale face,
Your face it shows nothing, no terror, no feeling,
You have no emotion, but a presence of healing,
A presence of softness as you glide with ease,
Gliding with grace and a feeling of peace.

To Live For Tomorrow

To live for tomorrow,
Through the pain and the sorrow,
To live for the morning,
To see myself yawning,

To know that I'm living,
This love I'll keep giving,
To live for tomorrow,
With you through the sorrow.

One Kiss

One kiss to get,
One kiss to have,
One kiss to last,
One kiss to remember,

One kiss in May,
One kiss in June,
One kiss to last,
Until December,

One kiss to give,
One kiss to take,
One kiss to last,
One kiss to tender,

One kiss to share,
One kiss to move,
One kiss to last,
And then surrender.

I Go To A Place

When the early tide,
meets the shore,
I go to a place,
I've never been before,

When the early sun rises,
And lights up the town,
I go to a place,
Where I smile not frown,

And when the sun sets,
And the evening is nigh,
I go to a place,
With you by my side.

Suicide Love

To me it really doesn't matter
If your arm looks like a ladder
To me your beauty hides within
You're an angel, you cannot sin

I'll love you forever, till the day I die
And seeing you leave will make me cry
I know the pain you're going through
I feel i want to do it to

But then I'd miss your gorgeous smile
And miss the things you make worth while
I've said it before, I'll say it again
I'll love you forever, until the end

One Mother

One mother's love
One mother's charms
One mother's kiss
One mother's arms

One mother's eyes
One mother's smile
A mother that makes
It all worth while

A mother I love
Till the end of time
You're the best mum
And I'm glad that your mine